Thy Story of Random Akatsuki Madness
by Wahnsinn und Hass
Summary: Itachi goes to church, Hidan and Neji the Nun, Orochan's day off, ItaKisa 'the talk', Movies, Romeo & Juliet, DiaJournals, Meow, 50 ways to annoy Itachi, the NEW emo kid, and many other disturbing stories you'd be better off not reading...so read it! Yay!
1. Itachi's Church

The really random story of randomnesss

FullMetalDemonCross: Finally! I can start this! I've been waiting for so long! This is a random story of...well, you read the summary,right? Any extreamly religiouls people may not want to read this...

So...without further ado...wait, what does 'ado' even mean...?

Itachi: It meanswithout futher wait.

FullMetalDemonCross: Who asked you?

Itachi: You.

FullMetalDemonCross: Oh yeah...well, pretend I didn't.

Itachi: Stupid.

FullMetalDemonCross: Shut up, you moron.

Itachi: Who's a moron?

FullMetalDemonCross: I don't see anyone else here...do you?

Itachi: I hate you.

FullMetalDemonCross: That makes three people...oh, and I still don't know what 'ado' means...And once again, do not read this if you like church alot. Just skip to chapter two, when I get it up.

Chapter One: Itatchi Goes to Church

Itachi sat in the back of the newly built church, called Faith Hope and Peace Chapel. Sasuke had dragged him along, hoping to er..._purify_ his brother.

The pastor, er...preist, or whoever that guy in the dress was, stood in the front of the church, and said,"As you all know, we are a new church. So today, we do not have an acolyte. Is there anyone who would like to volenteer?"

Itachi smirked. For once, he could do something he liked. He eargarly raised his hand, and the dress-guy smiled.

"Yes, young man. Come up here"

Itachi made his way to the front of the church, where the dress-guy pointed him towards a back room.

He was forced to wear a gay dress like the other guy, and he was handed a lighted torch...

Itachi, smiling the whole time, walked up the the first candel, and lit it with ease...

When he got the the second candle, he 'coughed,' and 'accidently' dropped it on the alter.

"Um...your alter's on fire." Itachi said innocently. "You might wanna do something about it."

"AAAHHHHH! The Church'll be on fire if you don't do something, brave ninja!" He shouted, gestering to Itachi.

"Me? A brave ninja? I think you've mistaken me." Itachi said slowly, making sure he let time for the fire to get going. "I'll try to help though."

He ran to the kitchen and grabbed a pot of boiling liqued.

Running back to the sancuary, he poured it on the fire. It leaped up several feet with contact of the liquid. "Oops, I guess that was oil."

The people all ran out of the building, and sat on a hill as they watched the Church burn.

When it was finally only ashes, Itachi walked up to the people and said,"Ha! What a coincidence!That Church burned down!"

----------------------------------------------FIN-----------------------------------------

FullMetalDemonCross: Next chapter is thirty ways to annoy Sasuke. You'll read a story with Naruto using these ways.

Itachi: THAT WAS AWSOME! LET ME DO IT AGAIN!

FullMetalDemonCross: Shut up. You should be happy that your 'foolish little brother' gets to be tortured in the next chapter.

Itachi: I think you're my favorite author...

FullMetalDemonCross: Aw, thank you. And I think you're my favorite Akatsuki member...like that was ahard choice. The others are either _really _ugly, or have an unknown gender...but don't take that the wrong way...you're probaly the hotest person from Naruto, though some may disagree...

Itachi: Even if they don't agree, though their greatly mistaken, I won't kill them...that is, if they review...THE PURPLE BUTTON ISN'T THAT HARD TO PRESS!


	2. Akatsuki and Nuns

A Random Story

Chapter Two

Kohaku: I know I said that it'd be 30 ways to annoy Sasuke, but my sister's friend lost the list so now I'm gonna do something different.

Neji: Do you know how badly I'd like to murder you right now?

Kohaku: I know you love me.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter Two: The Akatsuki and Nuns

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Itachi leaned against a tree, feeding the fire some of the fishy food he had bought for Kisame that had been chucked back at his head in return.

The very same fish-like man sat across the fire from him, sleeping. He was tempted to pour the whole container in his partner's mouth, but figured that he wasn't really asleep and would try to kill him if he did.

_Crack_

Itachi jumped at the sudden sound, as did the other members of the Akatsuki who were enjoing the night sky and the flickering flames. What he saw nearly made him pee his pants.

"HOLY FUCK, IT'S A NUN!!!!" HE practically screamed, shocked at the heavenly figure clad in black, the white stripe on her hat as well.

"I'm not a--"

"HOLY SHIT, I JUST SAID 'FUCK' IN FRONT OF A NUN!!!!!!!!!!!"

"I'm not a--"

"DEIDARA, KISAME, ZETSU, SASORI, KAKUZU, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T TELL HIDAN THERE'S A NUN OUT HERE!!!!"

Hidan, of course heard this shout, thought it wasn't nessecary; he had already spotted the sexy nun.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Neji stared at the annoying Uchiha. _'What the hell's he trying to pull?' _He thought to himself.

Watching the 'Oh so great' Akatsuki spaz like that was actually amusing.

Until he felt a hand grope him from behind.

"WTF!!!" He shouted, turning around. Some guy with white hair was feeling him up.

"Aw, you're a sexy nun, aren't you?"

"WTH!!!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Itachi shook his head. "That nun is screwed."

"Literally." Kisame added.

"That nun's a guy nun." Deidara, the oh-so-helpful one pointed out.

O.O...O.O...O.O...O.O...O.O...O.O "O...M...G..." All the Akatsuki members, exept Hidan, of course, chorused...

-------------------------------------Meanwhile--------------------------------------------------

"I'm straight!" Neji shouted. "Help, holy shit, help!!!"

"Now, now, why would you say a thing like that?" Hidan cooed into his ear.

"I'm here to kill you, that's why!!! Now get off--STOP TOUCHING THAT!!!!"

"No no, off we go." Hidan sang, dragging the 'nun' off into the hide out. "Don't interupt us!" He shouted back. "We'll be busy spreading God's love!"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Itachi blinked. "I wonder what'll happen when he finds out it's the Hyuga kid."

"It seems we're always having problems with Hyuga's, eh Itachi?" Sasori commented.

"Daddy!" A little voice suddenly yelled, and the Itachi's five-year-old son jumped on top of him, followed by the boy's female twin. Their pale violet eyes watched him innocently. "Play with us! Play with us!"

"Ah, Hikaru, Hikari, Daddy would appreciate if you went over and played with Mommy today." Itachi replied, refering, of course, to the shy Hyuga who was now living with them in the hideout.

"Aww, you never play with us." They corused.

Suddenly, a scream came from inside the compound. It sounded like a certain religious otaku. Seconds later, another scream erupted, sounding a lot like a certain arrogent 'genious'.

"Hey kids, do you wanna meet Uncle Neji?"

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kohaku: Lol, I hope you enjoyed it.

Neji: I didn't.

Hidan: How could she be a he!! You're so evil!!! I want him!!

Itachi: ... so I'm a dad in this one...cool

Hinata: W-What...?

Neji: grrr...

Kohaku: Well, if my beloved cast doesn't kill me, I'll see you next time; forgive me for the wait, I'm envolved in a lotta stuff right now. You guys rock!!

Next Time: Why Gaara Hates Ponies i hope


End file.
